Makeup Shopping – A Mans Minefield

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It was recently the birthday of She-Who-Steals-The-Duvet, and like any dutiful boyfriend, I trudged off into town full of good intentions… I would come back with The Perfect Gifts… I sought out the usual outlets, bath products from Lush… jewellery from Argento… A quick look through HMV and Waterstones to no avail….and then the obligatory mission to Debenhams & House of Fraser

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This.

Is.

Terrifying.

I have no experience or expertise in this area. I had luckily been given some guidance from Her on what she might like…however even the vernacular is daunting! Approaching a be-lab-coated shop assistant and asking

“I’m looking for what I think is called a Chubby…however if that’s wrong, please don’t have me forcibly removed from the store…?”

I went into Boots and knowing that She writes this blog, I thought it might be nice to get her a brand leader product to review…so I asked a woman who I presumed was an air stewardess for Emirates although turned out to be a salesperson for Clarins… I was sold L’Oreal Million Volume Lashes, it is relatively expensive compared to other mascaras that I could see, at over £10, but I was clueless… She told me it was the best selling in the UK and that it was perfect for everyone, I bought the sales pitch because I know nothing on the subject.

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I don’t know if it is the plethora of different products that one person could apply to their face or the multitude of different brands all claiming to be different that scares me most…. Perhaps it’s the House-Of-Wax appearance of the sales staff, portraying the subliminal message

“c’mon, you know that I know what I’m talking about, nobody who wears this much makeup could possibly not be an expert

either way, makeup shopping is in no way accessible for a guy like me. I have suggested to House of Fraser that they could have an open day for men, pre Christmas…explaining the differences between Eye Shadow & Eye Liner….Lip Gloss & Lip Stick….why Primer isn’t something for the walls…

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I wonder when Gilette bring out a new razor, with more blades, a better angle…a smoother cut, they still sell their old product, that they publicly acknowledge to be inferior… But in the world of make up, this is de rigueur.
Turbolash All Effects
Sumptuous Two Tone
Iconic Overcurl Waterproof Spectacular Volume & Curl
Iconic Overcurl
Iconic High Definition Lash Curler
Iconic Extreme Wear High Intensity Las Curling
Extase Instant Oversize Volume
New Look Multi-Dimensional Volume & Treatment
Perfect Defining Volume
Hypnose Precious Cells
Hypnose Star
Hypnose Drama Instant Full Body Volume
Hypnose Drama WTerproof
Hypnose Star Waterproof
Hypnose Custom-Wear Volume
Hypnose Waterproof Custom-Wear Volume
Hypnose Doll Mascara Waterproof
Hypnose Doll Eyes
Virtuose Curves & Length Divine Hold
Sumptuous Extreme Waterproof Lash Multiplying Volume
Volume Effet Faux Cils Waterproof
Volume Effet Faux Cils Luxurious
Volume Effet Faux Cils Shocking Indecent

And so on and so on and so on. How on earth is a guy supposed to just know what is good and what isn’t? The industry really should make itself more accessible…I shouldn’t be fearful of buying my partner a present, but currently I feel like I’m being assaulted by variety of choice. Does it need to be this complicated? Perhaps that is how they can justify charging sooooo much for some coloured talc….

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